It would appear that it is in fact illegal to hide the salami in at least some parts of the USA. Well, the bologna, anyway, and the official charge is "willful concealment," so maybe accidentally stuffing luncheon meats down your pants is still OK (except for the possible cancer risks, and hey, don't tell me I'm reaching here, because if I won't eat it I sure won't stick it near my junk), but anyway, Robert Baldwin, 35 has pled guilty to the aforementioned misdemeanor, which is too silly not to report.