From the monthly archives:

September 2006

VP is proud to share the quote of the week with the Santa Barbara Independent: “What kind of vibrator would you use on a cow?” That’s the question that was asked after an animal rights activist caught rodeo workers using electric cattle prods on some calves to get them through the chute leading to the main pen. When questioned about it, rodeo manager Josiah Jenkins denied the allegations, saying that they were using vibrators, not prods, which brought about the quote and some nifty misdemeanour animal cruelty charges. Link to quote, Link to story, courtesy of vegsantabarbara, who might be able to tell you more about it if you ask nicely.

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Stuffed bear kills 2,500 fish

by Jason on September 28, 2006

kunsjoi sent in the latest problem with fish farms: they’re susceptible to attacks from teddy bears. Somehow a stuffed bear found its way into one of the tanks at a New Hampshire hatchery, which clogged a key pipe, which blocked the flow of oxygen to a pool, which caused 2,500 trout to die from suffocation. It’s certainly cause for concern, but what concerns me more is the attitude that’s been presented in the original article, which is quite possible whimsical. Fish probably have the hardest time attracting sympathy of any animal used for food, and reading the comments from staff, they could just as easily be talking about a production slowdown at a factory due to a freak incident. Link.

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What would a bong for cows look like?

September 28, 2006

Rosemary notes that the excuses that were used when caught with drugs from days of yore are obselete. “I was just holding it,” “it’s medicinal,” and “I don’t know how that got in my colon” are phrases of the past now, a.k.a. old and busted compared to the new hotness of “it’s not for [...]

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Uh, well, the cow has laser udders.

September 28, 2006

I may have posted this one already, or something similar to it, but that’s OK. I feel bad about missing my posting window yesterday, and I need to be happy. The idea of super powered cows with rocket feet and soundtracks that make me wish I was four again is a key component [...]

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Goldfish gets cosmetic surgery after visitors complain

September 26, 2006

I’ve got some stuff in the submission backlog that’s so bizarre I can’t believe I haven’t used it already. Take, for instance, this story from Creature – a goldfish at the Royal Museum of Scotland in Edinburgh has had cosmetic surgery to remove a lump and an eye (!) after visitors complained about the [...]

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Four legged chicken highlights standard of care on farms

September 25, 2006

Chicken farms are massive. We’re talking tens, if not hundred of thousands of birds in a farm, and yet farmers insist that they all get excellent care. It’s been a long time since I studied math in any capacity, but it seems to me that it’d take a long time to inspect each [...]

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Raw milk sickens 4 kids in California

September 25, 2006

This is about as meaningful as the spinach story, but I am a small, petty man. Stitches sends news that 4 children in California have gotten sick from suspected E. coli poisoning from consuming raw milk. As with all E. coli incidents, the secret ingredient is poop. As I believe was noted [...]

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More news from the McPenis restaurant

September 25, 2006

We first wrote about China’s penis restaurant back in February, but as graham notes, it’s back in the news again, so I figured hey, what better way to start off a Monday morning? No matter what else may come of this article, if you packed leftovers for lunch, they’re going to look 100 times [...]

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Six Flags finds a way to deal with their cockroach problem

September 22, 2006

Kirk was one of several pornstars who sent in news that the Six Flags Great America amusement park is offering visitors passes which let them jump to the front of the lines at their rides. All the thrill seekers have to do to get a pass is eat a bug. Specifically, they have [...]

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Eggs disturb me, moreso now

September 22, 2006

True story: the last eggs I ever ate were fertilized. There wasn’t anything other than the usual yolk and white in them, and maybe it was because they were from a different kind of bird, but they tasted somehow… thicker, and it made it a lot easier to drop the stuff. This all [...]

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